My plan is to use this blog as a place to talk about issues that come up for people that I meet – not specific, personal issues, of course, but more general events that we are all likely to have. Our problems join us to others in ways that we don’t always expect.
This morning, I have been thinking about the harm that we do to children by sharing our anger with them. Particularly when we share our anger about a person that the child loves. Children get caught in the middle of parent’s disputes without context or understanding, and they feel pressured to believe and/or love one parent over another. Even questions used to start a conversation can be too much – such as asking a child if the other parent is still dating Miss X. It may be natural curiosity on your part, but it is prying on your child’s new, possibly fragile, relationship in a post-divorce world. Help your child transition to her new life by not criticizing the other parent. Don’t schedule activities and events on the other parent’s time. And don’t schedule so many activities for your child that there isn’t time for the other parent to become involved. You may feel anger toward the other parent, but your child needs to feel safe and secure; she needs to know that your anger will not be in the way of her forming new relationships.
Your assignment this week is to be nice to each other!